As overwhelming and difficult as last year was at times we know that when everything was said and done that it evolved as it was meant to. There was a reason that our daughter traveled out west and a reason that she didn't enter the doors of treatment elsewhere. That reason was Monte Nido. We know how lucky we are that she was able to get there. There isn't a day that goes by that we don't give thanks for all that she has become. We knew that it was always there.....we are so grateful that today she sees it & feels it with joy. You have created an amazing haven for girls like our daughter...it has been like watching a caterpillar grow into a butterfly...... With lots of thanks & hugs

Dear Carolyn, Thank you Carolyn for creating a place like Monte NidoVista, I wish there were many more...far less people would die from eating disorders; far less people would believe it impossible to fight; and to go on after 10 inpatient hospitalizations, after PEG tubes for over a year, and locked wards with padded, windowless rooms.These past six months at Monte NidoVista have saved my life. I came in, wanting and waiting to die; ready to disintegrate; and to finally disappear; I wanted to die because I was too exhausted of living, I believed that the pain of life was too great for me to handle; and that I was innately incapable of being loved, non- deserving of love, food, liquid, air, space, life, and love...I have learned more about being alive, and about relationships in my time here than I ever have in the past. I have never experienced such unconditionally love, support and more than that hope, a home that is so full of love and care, and nothing but safety.

NEDA Conference Review

Carolyn Costin's workshop at this year's National Eating Disorders Association conference was all about recovery, gathering strands from current research, feedback from recovered patients and strategies she's come up with after 35 years of clinical experience. Costin, who herself recovered from an eating disorder, is founder and executive director of The Eating Disorder Center of California and Monte Nido, with centers in California and Oregon. And, by the way, also a fellow blogger.

The session was packed, and it's no wonder; she is a dynamic, witty speaker with a no-nonsense style born of years of experience in the trenches. Here is a brief summary of her information- and advice-rich talk.

Recovery is when you accept your own natural body size and shape, have a healthy relationship with exercise, and when you won't compromise yourself to reach a certain number on the scale. Another sign of a return to health is "when you reach out to others for comfort and help, not your eating disorder."

"Your healthy self will heal your eating-disordered self. In other words, your eating disorder can't be more powerful than you are, because it resides in you and is part of you. The idea is to integrate the two selves over time. The work of the patient, with the help of a therapist, is figuring out what anxieties and issues the eating disorder is solving, and how to replace the eating disorder with healthier coping mechanism. (I know, easier said than done, but clarity about your objective always helps.)

Costin has patients journal before bingeing, because this, she said, "gives access to the part of you that binges." She also has patients journal about "my last binge," write a dialogue with their eating-disordered selves, role play, write a thank you letter and then a goodbye letter to their eating-disordered self. She has them write about their worst eating-disordered day, too.

Learn to tell the truth. Don't say, "I don't like pasta." Say, "I'm afraid of pasta." This is the first step to overcoming the fear.

Eating disorders are both about food, and not about food. While non-food issues (anxiety, trauma) may have helped trigger the disorder, you need to regain a healthy relationship with food in order to recover. Food is the phobic object, and you have to be hands-on with it.

Feel your feelings. Learn "affect tolerance," or how to live with unpleasant, scary or hurtful feelings, instead of turning to food to mask those feelings.

Find meaning and purpose outside of yourself. "Religion is the bridge to spirituality and too many people get stuck on the bridge." Eating disorders are the same: the eating-disordered person seeks something larger, but gets stuck in the eating disorder.

Advice for counselors, equally applicable to parents, is: Adopt the attitudes of empathy and constructive curiosity. A supportive, empathetic relationship is crucial to recovery.

Be a positive role model (in other words, "be okay with your own body," model healthy eating at meals).

Don't take sides against the eating disorder. Be for the recovery process, not against the eating disorder).

Think in the long term: Those who recover don't throw in the towel.

I hope this is helpful!

Marcia Herrin and Nancy Matsumoto are co-authors of The Parent's Guide to Eating Disorders: Supporting Self-Esteem, Healthy Eating & Positive Body Image at Home (www.childhoodeatingdisorders.com).

I am writing on behalf of Carolyn Costin and Monte Nido. As a registered dietitian specializing in eating disorders, I have known and respected Carolyn Costin's work for over 20 years. In my private practice, I am often in the position of refering patients to inpatient eating disorder programs. Although I refer to a select number of in-patient programs, when I have a patient whose prognosis is especially difficult or poor, I usually call Monte Nido. I think one of the advantages to this facility is its very small size and very individualized care. In one particular case, Monte Nido was able to help one of the most challenging patients of my career come to terms with her anorexia, bulimia, social and family issues and enable her to return to college and begin the process of normalizing the relationships in her life. I was also pleased to have received interim updates on her progress from her team. The best part, however, was seeing the beaming face of my patient as she went through graduation at Monte Nido. I was not there in person on the day of her graduation, but because Monte Nido graciously called and asked if I would like a copy of the graduation, I was able to see the graduation process and share my patients experience and excitement. That was the first time I had been so included in a patients recovery from an inpatient program and I found the opportunity thrilling for both me and my patient.

Monte Nido is one of the best residential treatment centers, for eating disorders, in the country. The center combines a beautiful natural healing environment with a staff of highly trained experts specializing in treating eating disorders. Monte Nido is unique to all other eating disorder facilities in that it provides an individualized and empathetic approach to helping clients recover. The staff, which consists of professionals and other individuals who have recovered from eating disorders, offers some of the best treatment interventions and techniques to help clients accomplish their goals in recovery. I highly recommended the program to clients and professionals, who are looking for a thoughtful, unique and understanding program which promotes hope and healing from eating disorders.

Monte Nido Treatment Center is a safe haven for any individual on the path to recovery from an eating disorder. Within this "mountain nest" my clients have received the individual support, guidance, and nurturing spirit that cultivates a desire to have a more fulfilling life.

As a psychotherapist in private practice who specializes in eating disorders I often need to refer a client for in-patient treatment. My first recommendation when making this type of referral is always Monte Nido.

My experience of working closely with their staff for the past 9 years has given me a great deal of confidence in their ability to treat eating disorders. Their thorough understanding of the complexities involved in the process of recovering from anorexia and bulimia, in conjunction with Carolyn Costin's unique perspective on healing, offers their clients an opportunity to receive help in an atmosphere where they will given expert medical and psychological care while being treated as individuals who deserve to have their voices heard and their bodies honored. I have worked with many other in-patient and residential treatment programs, none of which, in my opinion, appreciate how nurturing a person's soul is just as important as addressing the eating disorder behaviors.

While not everyone who enters the doors of Monte Nido may be quite ready to let go of their eating disorder, they all are given a chance to be surrounded by professionals who's intention it is to give them inspiration and a sense of hope that one day they can be recovered and fully embrace their appetites for life's many delicious treats.

I have known and worked with Carolyn Costin for over 15 years and consider her as a friend and mentor. She has an encyclopedic knowledge of eating disorder treatment, and has a remarkable gift to provide state of the art care. With out a doubt, the Monte Nido treatment program is my first call residential treatment facility. The beautiful surroundings, the competant and caring staff and the dedication of all who work for Carolyn allows me to know that my private clients are getting the best possible care. In addition I appreciate the cooperative and collaborative approach they take with me, the referring therapist. I always feel included as part of the treatment team.

In addition I would, with no hesitation, send a family member to Monte Nido.

One year ago JW was literally "almost dead". The week before heading to Vista she did not eat and exercised constantly. Her mother [sic] and I had watched for 22 years as our daughter struggled with anorexia and exercise addiction. She has already been to two inpatient treatment programs, outpatient partial programs and constant outpatient therapy, including a total of 14 therapists. All of this had resulted in JW being as near death as she had ever been just before boarding the plane to travel to California and your program.

Although her mother still had some hope of finding something to help JW, I had lost almost all hope. Nothing had seemed to work. I knew that if she did get her life back that it would be along and painful process. What I was most fearful of was that we would drain our retirement savings with no positive result for JW. I had seen her receive treatment before with no lasting progress. The one thing that happened this time was that she chose the program to attend and said that she truly wanted to get well, a statement that I was reluctant to believe.

One year later, we cannot thank all of you enough for all that you have done for JW. I can truthfully say that I now believe that JW will have a life without her eating disorder ruling it. I know that she still has progress to make to complete her transition to a normal life, but thanks to all of you, she is on her way. As I said before, I never would have believed a year ago that this could happen.

Each of you has helped JW in different ways, but the result is that JW has found a new life without having to answer to ED for everything she does and does not do. She is the happiest that I have ever seen her. She is excited about her new life and doesn't want to go back to the eating disorder life. Although JW did much of the work to reach this point she could not have done with without your guidance and help.

Clearly, finding you was a gift from God and exactly what JW needed. Her mother [sic] and I would also like to thank you for helping us. We have never had the contact and support from JW's treatment team like that which we have experienced with all of you. This was more important to us than you could possibly imagine. At other treatment programs we felt purposefully left out and with you we felt included. You made special arrangements for us in so many ways to allow us to feel included and reduce the many burdens we faced in working through JW's recovery.

They say that it takes a whole village to raise a child. Even though JW is 34 she was still a child in many ways. I believe that she was actually a 13-year emotionally when you first saw her. All of you should be proud of what you have meant to her as she "grew up". I know that all of you played an important part, but we especially want to thank Kelley McMichael for being not only a therapist, but a friend to JW. The way you related to her was exactly what JW needed to move toward wellness. JW says that Kim has been the best nutritionist with which she has ever worked. You have truly helped her along the recovery path. Thanks to Anna for helping JW in her transition period at Bella Mar. Your strength in helping JW to face new challenges was truly important in her recovery. And of course, thanks go to Carolyn for establishing such a wonderful program, which has truly worked for JW.

Thank you all once again. If there is anything we can do for you in return, please let us know. We would be happy to be ambassadors for you in any way that we can. What is most comforting to us is to know that, now that JW has moved out of the inpatient portion of the program, you are still there for her and for us. This helps us to believe this time JW will truly reach a life without her eating disorder.

MY FAMILY AND I WANT TO EXPRESS OUR HEARTFELT thanks for the caring environment you provided for Laura while she was in residence. You cannot imagine how impressed we all were with not only the treatment she received and continues to receive but the amount of warmth and love offered to all the young women and their families. In our opinion you cannot walk away from Monte Nido without a good feeling in your heart; knowing that the person you love is in the right place to help her overcome her behavior problems.

We believe that Laura is not the only person in the family to have been benefited from your system. The sessions were liberating, educational and emotional. Each of us feels our own personal attachment to Monte Nido because of the help and consideration we were afforded on our visits. I don't think any of us will forget your advice: "always tell the truth without judgment". I know we have a lot of practicing to do before we get it right but we do understand the principle and have already reaped some of the benefits.

I could go on and on but the bottom line is "keep up the good work". I can truly say that I have never felt closer to my family. We are united in our efforts to support Laura in the recovery process. We have all put up our "antennas" and are prepared to develop a heightened awareness of each others needs. Life is way too short to isolate yourself from your family because you simply aren't paying enough attention.

Once again, many, many thanks! May God continue to bless you all in your professional and personal lives.

TODAY IS MOLLY'S 21ST BIRTHDAY and a perfect occasion for reflecting on the JW she has been as a daughter. My reflections aren't complete without remembering my great fear of losing her to anorexia and my overwhelming gratitude that she was saved through the love, dedication, and commitment of so many people at Monte Nido.

I know now that I will never understand eating disorders and have ever-increasing respect for professionals involved in treating their victims. There was a time when I felt that only I could save my child-just like taking her to the doctor for an ear infection. When all of my efforts failed, and she continued spiraling downward, I somehow summoned the courage to put her in the hands of people I had never met, known to me then only as Monte Nido.

As weeks turned into months, these people became the most important people in my life, and certainly in Molly's. Slowly, patiently, and always lovingly, they led Molly to the truth and helped her achieve independence from her disease. She learned about physiology, about nutrition, about medications. But she learned mostly to love and care about herself and to release herself from the demands anorexia was making on her. Today she is healthy, confident, engaged in life, and surrounded by caring friends.

Under Carolyn Costin's leadership, and with her personal involvement, treatment at Monte Nido takes on a very unique character. It is infused with Carolyn's regard for the soul of her clients, as for every aspect of their well-being. Carolyn's own experiences have given her an intimate understanding of eating disorders, and that intimacy fuels her ability to help clients reshape their own relationships with food and eating and with the underlying demons. She is believable and above all trustworthy. She is honest and frank, critical when necessary, but never harsh, never unsympathetic.

With families, themselves victimized in many ways by the illness of a daughter, Carolyn is supportive and honest. She knows that treatment can take months to even take foothold, years to complete. She cheers the small accomplishments and gives hope when a situation looks hopeless. She is confident in her program and uses the support of families as an integral part of it. She will always be an "unofficial" part of our family, because only with her help and encouragement is our family complete and happily celebrating this birthday.

With great confidence and personal conviction, I would recommend Monte Nido most highly and most sincerely.

AFTER SEVERAL YEARS of our daughter's struggles with anorexia and extensive treatment as both an inpatient and outpatient, it became apparent to all of us that a new direction in treatment would be required for our daughter to begin the process of "getting well." Her battles had exhausted herself, us and our local options for continued treatment. On our therapist's recommendation, we began checking around the country for a program that would offer her the kind of structure, guidance (for diet, exercise, medication, therapy, etc...) and support she needed. After checking into a number of programs in several states, we selected Monte Nido and are profoundly grateful we did. Carolyn Costin and the staff at Monte Nido addressed the physical and psychological issues facing our daughter in a way no one else had. Their supportive, yet firm, counseling greatly assisted our daughter and us. Today, she is again healthy, full of life and increased self-worth, and succeeding in college. Monte Nido deserves a great deal of credit, and we unhesitatingly recommend Monte Nido to others.

WE JUST CAN'T FIND THE WORDS to adequately express our profound gratitude to Carolyn Costin and her incredibly dedicated team of professionals at Monte Nido. Without a doubt, God used this six bed facility in Malibu, California to save our daughter's life. Monte Nido was the last resort to save our daughter's life. IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST. After multiple stays in two other major programs, the uniqueness of the program at Monte Nido is the reason our daughter is alive today and getting on with her life. Staffed by individuals who not only talked the talk, but had literally walked the walk and were able to relate to our daughter on every level. No matter what a client's belief system is, every client at Monte Nido is treated with the love and respect they deserve. Our dying daughter's response to treatment at Monte Nido was nothing short of miraculous. Thank God for Monte Nido.

AFTER FOUR YEARS OF FIGHTING anorexia, my daughter and I_came to Monte Nido. We had experienced multiple treatment centers and treatment types. I knew that I would lose my daughter if we didn't find help for her. During the first meeting, I looked at the physical facilities and wondered how a "homey" place could provide what multiple hospitalizations at sophisticated centers could not. It was the meeting with Carolyn that provided the first glimmer of hope that my daughter would survive this illness. In 30 minutes Carolyn had connected with my daughter and identified some of the struggles and secrets she'd held inside for so long. I made the decision to trust Carolyn with my beautiful, severely ill daughter. It was a decision I've never regretted. It wasn't easy, tears were shed and voices were raised, but I began to see glimpses of the daughter I'd known years before. At Monte Nido Carolyn has brought together a wondrous group of individuals who soften the treatment demands with love and support. The focus is on living, not just surviving.

Note from Carolyn: Although I recognize the unique contribution of recovered staff in the treatment of eating disorders, I do not promote the notion that the best treaters are those with personal recovery. I have worked with countless excellent therapists who have no personal eating disorder history. By far the most important thing is to be a well trained, empathic therapist, period. A former client expressed this eloquently, "Ultimately, it's the potential for and hopeful development of a connection between client and therapist that will provide an impetus for effective treatment, regardless of whether or not the therapist has experienced an eating disorder first hand." What I do promote is that if a well trained therapist is recovered from an eating disorder he or she should not have to hide it. If you have a tool you should be able to use it. The combination of good professional training and experience, combined with being recovered, has been an overwhelmingly successful aspect of my career as a therapist and my treatment programs. I encourage the field to acknowledge this and help recovered professionals use this potential tool appropriately and listen to what clients have to say:

My desire to work with recovered staff led me to Monte Nido after living in the confines of a full blown eating disorder for over 1/3 of my life. I began seeking help, but no matter how much anyone tried to help me, I never believed anyone truly understood what my life was like despite their desperate attempts. I had all but given up hope. How terrified I was that I couldn't do it, I would fail, that the food would win, that my greatest fears would be realized. Immediately upon talking to the first recovered staff member I realized there was a degree of understanding; I felt that someone who hadn't been through the depths of this, would never understand and somehow couldn't. In that moment when I was trying to commit to recovery, I knew I had made the best and hardest decision of my life. Recovery is tough, the absolute hardest, most trying, draining, physically emotionally and mentally painful thing I've ever had to do. In the worst moments it's hard to remember I can do it. What keeps me going the most is the people who themselves have battled their own eating disorders and fought for so long and made their way to the other side. I look to them for a sense of reassurance, almost asking, "is this okay" or "is this normal", "should I be feeling this way"? Hearing recovered staff gives me hope that not only am I not crazy, I am not alone.

I don't think I would have trusted and surrendered to the staff as much as I did if I didn't know that they had experienced many of the same fears and anxieties on their own journeys. When they said, 'It'll be okay, you'll be okay,' I believed them because I knew they'd been in shoes similar to mine. Seeing them healthy and at peace with their bodies and their lives was a source of daily inspiration and motivation.

As I worked on selecting a treatment facility, having recovered staff was imperative. This was the deciding factor in getting on the Monte Nido waiting list. It was important to know there were staff members who understood from experience how it felt to be so fearful of food, eating, refeeding, sitting with the refeeding, gaining weight, and all the feelings this would bring up for me. Knowing that the staff knows what it is like to have thoughts swimming in my head, fighting any healthy voice that tries to defy it, meant more to me than I can ever explain. I felt it only made sense to find a place with recovered staff. Needing/wanting this, felt no different from wanting to see a female doctor simply because she has the same body, and knows how it feels to be female. Being in a center where staff are willing to share their successful journey gave me strength to push through those very scary and difficult times. There were times when having staff share their personal experiences is what pushed me to the next level. When I was not able to hold the hope of ever recovering, I knew that the staff was holding that hope for me, and reminding me that one day, I too would be joining them in the ranks of those who have won the battle.

One of the primary reasons I chose to go to Monte Nido was the recovered staff. I thought that if anyone could help, it would be people who figured out how to untangle themselves from their own eating disorders. I thought they might know things that professionals who had never struggled with an eating disorder could not. And it was true. I never had therapists who were wiser to anorexia's tricks, showed more compassion for my struggle, and who could counteract my eating disorder thoughts and behaviors so well. I have a very difficult time trusting people, especially with my food. But it really helped knowing that they understood my fears because they had once felt the same way. This allowed me to be more honest as I didn't fear judgment as much. I thought that at least one of the staff members had probably done any eating disorder thing I did. This also helps to make the eating disorder feel less mysterious, and special. When other doctors saw it as an enigma, for some reason this made me want to keep it. When anorexia lost its mystique, it also lost some of its power. The staff's personal experiences with eating disorders allowed them to be compassionate with us even when we were resistant to therapy or forming bonds. But, since they were familiar with the slyness of the eating disorder, they were not pushovers with that component of us. Since they were strong enough to stand up to their own eating disorders, they were definitely strong enough to battle mine. Most importantly, I think, is that every time I lost hope that I myself could recover, I only had to look around me to remember that people who were just as sick or sicker than me, who once felt as desperate and hopeless, who never though that they could gain weight, eat healthy, like themselves, recover; they did- fully, utterly, and completely. I cannot overemphasize how important this was to me, as I believe hope is a crucial component of recovery.

Working with recovered staff has had an enormous effect on my recovery. For many years, I saw psychologists and psychiatrists who had only seen eating disorders from the outside. Hearing staff tell stories about their experience with problems I was dealing with at the time (anxiety, over-exercising, feeling fat), and then seeing them in front of me as healthy and balanced people was at first almost unbelievable, but it also gave me hope that I too could overcome some of my problems. I felt a sensitivity from them that allowed me to share more without feeling guilty about myself or the full extent of my eating disorder.

To Carolyn and the Monte Nido Staff,

For a long time, I have tried to find the words to express the amount of gratitude I have towards you, but, with each "thanks," my words seem to fall short. I've begun to believe that gratitude towards somethings in life cannot be expressed with a simple phrase; sometimes, saying "Thank You," regardless of the depth of truth behind the words, isn't enough.

The past ten years of my life have passed in a slow, foggy, rapid blurr. I floated in the world as a shadow of a person I had no interest in getting to know, in fear of discovering a feeling, any feeling, toward the person whose shadow I'd become. Fear pushed me along with the wind; I had no control over the direction I'd turn or the destination I'd arrive at next. Fear prohibited me from connecting, connecting with my person, with the beauty surrounding me, with any chance of creating and existing in reality. Fear forced me to see escaping as the only opportunity of continuing to stay alive...if that can even be considered being alive.

Today, after taking part in the amazing "Life School" that is Monte Nido the only thing I fear is losing my person, myself, my soul again. I thought that once I came into this reality of being alive, I would never have to worry about drifting away from it; it would be mine to keep without needing to even try anymore. To my surprise, being and staying alive requires constant desire and effort; once the desire slips away, the effort becomes so much more. In my prior years, I would have thrown in the towel at the first thought of doubt. However, thanks to all you have taught me and all the faith you held for me, I now know and am willing to fight for my desire. I can now see why fighting is always worth it.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to meet myself, the stillness to reach my soul, and the power to know I deserve this new life.

I also wanted to send you this email because this past Wednesday, the 17th was 2 years since I was admitted to Monte Nido. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for all that you do and for creating such and amazing healing space and for providing me with the opportunity at the transition house, Bella Mar, to build a life for myself. You were the first person in all my treatments to talk with me about how I felt I wasn't going to ever recover, how I wasn't going to be the one to make it because I had already tried and failed three times at other treatments. Remember when we were in the back yard at Monte Nido talking and I thought you were full of it when you talked about people fully recovering and that it was possible. Throughout my stay I have pages upon pages in my journal labeled "wise words of Carolyn" haha. You were really the only person that got me to take notes in my journal. Every time you spoke I knew my eyes were going to be opened up to a new part of myself that I hadn't looked at yet or was avoiding looking at. Thank you for challenging me, questioning me and most of all helping me to heal. Two years ago my therapist tried to get me to put a half of sandwich to my mouth and I couldn't and I also couldn't walk up the stairs without feeling like I was going to have a heart attack. Today I have a job, I'm going to school, I have friends, I have relationships deeper then I could ever imagine, I eat my food, and most of all I know I have people who love me. I honestly don't feel like I could thank you enough Carolyn, if it weren't for you and the staff at Monte Nido I would be dead right now no doubt b/c Monte Nido was my last shot, I knew I couldn't go through another cycle of relapse mentally or physically. Thank you so so much Carolyn and Monte Nido staff....... I love you, your amazing!

After having a negative experience at an inpatient eating disorder treatment program, I was extremely hesitant to go to another treatment center. The first program I attended took away all my control over my ability to manage my Type 1 diabetes, which proved to be both scary and also physically dangerous to my health.

Monte Nido was completely different from my previous experience of treatment. From the start, the people at Monte Nido listened to me about what worked for managing my diabetes and allowed me to participate in treatment decisions about my diabetic care. The head nurse even called me before I arrived at Monte Nido to ask me about my diabetic needs and reassured me that they were there to help. The staff used what I knew worked for me as far as insulin doses, types of foods I could eat, counting my carbohydrate intake, and monitoring my blood glucose. They allowed me to feel in control.

All the nurses were extremely caring and trusted me to know what I needed to do in order to manage my diabetes. It was a great comfort to know that I was in such good hands. The dietitian proved to be a valuable resource; she worked with my special dietary needs, and even more than that, she helped me see that diabetes does not have to be a negative condition: I can view it as a blessing in disguise for teaching me how to eat in moderation, to eat a balanced diet, and to seek the help I needed to finally overcome my eating disorder.

A year after leaving Monte Nido, I am doing well and managing my diabetes better than ever. My A1C is the lowest it has been since I became diabetic Type 1 two years ago. I am no longer bulimic and I have the wonderful souls at Monte Nido to thank for it.

WHAT CAN I SAY? Who knew? Sometimes real life is stranger than fiction. Seven weeks ago, I'm sure not many people, including myself, thought I'd be sitting here today. I guess miracles really do happen. The miracle in this case being Monte Nido and all the wonderful people who are associated with it. You've all given me a most precious gift. You've given me the gift of life and for that I shall never be able to thank you enough. Not only have you helped me in my struggle with anorexia and set me on the road to recovery, you've also given me in 7 weeks what I've lived a lifetime without and that is a family. I've never felt so at home with a group of people before in my life. I never knew what it was like to be surrounded by people who offer such love and support and yet don't ask for anything in return. I never knew people could care so much (and not just because it was their job). I never knew what it was like to trust someone. I never knew what it was like to have someone really listen when I spoke. I never knew what it was like to be hugged. You've all given me so many gifts and now for the first time in my life I see how wonderful life can be if we surround ourselves with the things that really matter. The friendships, the laughter, and the tears I've shared here I shall treasure always. I feel very fortunate to have been one of the original six who first arrived here. How honored we should feel-as we can say we were the first to receive the 'gifts' of Monte Nido. I think to the future when many will have come and gone, and success and the exposure will be great. I think how proud I'll be when I say, "I was there when it all first began."

Thank you so much for allowing me to be a part of something so wonderful. Thank you for letting me into your lives. I'll walk away from here a much better, healthier person thanks to all of you. Every member of the staff has given me a gift and even though these gifts are intangible I shall cherish them always.

EVERYDAY I STARVED and flushed my soul down some dark drain. Although it is so hard to be gentle with my soul, Monte Nido has shown me that it is there. Monte Nido has nurtured my soul when I did nothing but destroy it. The staff at Monte Nido held up the magical crystal and taught me how to look inside. They saved my life. No words can ever explain or be grateful enough to thank them for my gift. An angel was truly watching over me when he blessed me with Monte Nido. Monte Nido is my Angel of Grace.

THANK YOU FOR SHOWING ME there can be tenderness in treatment; for teaching me I can express my needs; reassuring me they are appropriate, and they can be met; for appreciating that the battle is between me and me, and letting me have a say in everything I signed up for; always being honest with me; and for telling me throughout my entire time here that you enjoy so many things about me and enjoy working with me. You've taught me recovery can be an okay thing. I remember a conversation I had with you on the phone before I came to Monte Nido, when I asked, "how do the clients make all the changes?" Your answer was, "lots of hard work... and a little bit of magic. I've participated in the hard work, and I've definitely experienced the magic!

YOU SUCCEEDED in accomplishing the one thing you promised to do for me. You continuously said that you just wanted to show me the life I could have and then it would be my choice whether I chose it or not. Well, you showed me that life and I chose it. I may not have chosen the most full life, but I have chosen the life I feel I am capable of, and a life that doesn't include death as an alternative. You gave me life in my mind, body, and spirit. You gave me the most precious gift anyone could possibly give me.

WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS all of the love and gratitude I have for Monte Nido. Monte Nido saved my life. I couldn't have done it without you, Carolyn, and the magic you've created at Monte Nido. I've never encountered such generous, kind and caring souls. I'm sitting and sobbing as I write this. Carolyn, you and Monte Nido have a big place in my heart forever. I am able to laugh and love again because of the wisdom and encouragement you and Monte Nido have provided for me. Thank you. I love all of you.

YOU HAVE SHOWN ME HOW TO FEEL FREE AND FEARLESS, to have inner peace and serenity. You have helped me realize "life is rich." I have found the person inside me that I am drawn to in others, the type of person who has enough confidence to act naturally and make my own decisions, instead of basing what I do on how I am being perceived. Thank you for all of this. And for the incredible feeling of being able to trust that even after I leave, I can always come visit or call Monte Nido and I will be loved and supported.